Realize
by Be random or die
Summary: It shouldn't have taken me this long to put all of the pieces together. To figure out why I did some of these silly things, to figure out why so much seemed to revolve around you. It's too late now, there's nothing I can do but sit here as it all comes together as I continue to drift away from you. [AU real world, might be a bit OOC, one-sided WhiteRose]


_**A/N: Just a quick one-shot I wrote. There may be a few errors so sorry for that ahead of time. Set in an AU where everyone in RWBY lives a simple life like us, no crazy weapons that double as guns and no giant black bears and griffins. Hope you all enjoy!**_

* * *

Do you ever have moments where you realize something? When you notice something so painfully obvious? Then you want to face palm so hard for not coming to your senses sooner? Say, about, six years sooner?

If you have then you'll understand what's going through my head at this very moment, but for those of you who don't, well, I've got some stories to tell to get you up to speed.

Any of you have a friend you've known for what feels like forever? Well, I suppose most people do. I have a friend just like that. I met her a very long time ago. How long ago? Back when I was in second grade. That long. I'm 21 years old now, she and I have quite an extensive history.

The very first time we interacted was not something you'd expect really. It was silent reading time in class, recess just a few seconds away, and as I hear the bell ring I place my bookmark into its new spot, then I go to take off my newly acquired reading glasses. Let me tell you how much of a difference those make now, I never knew just how much I strained my eyes until I started using them.

As I remove them that's when she approaches me. A small girl, shorter than me at the time, dark hair with oddly red ends and silver eyes full of mischief, laughter and life.

"Hey! I didn't know you wore glasses," She says to me curiously.

"Oh," I start quietly. Unlike her, I speak much more tentatively as I don't have much experience with interacting with others. "I just got them, actually," I say in almost a whisper.

"Really? I like them!" she says with a smile.

I remain quiet not entirely sure how to continue the conversation. Luckily for me, she continues to speak.

"So, you wanna join me and my friends for a game of tag? Or maybe we can go onto the new swing sets!" she asks me excitedly.

"Uh, sure!" I reply trying to match her enthusiasm, but I know I fail miserably as she giggles.

"Come on!" she exclaims as she jumps up and down energetically.

I follow her outside with the rest of our classmates, the memory disappearing in the bright light filtering from the door. . .

* * *

I don't know how I still manage to remember how I met Ruby. I've had a few other really great friends who I met more recently, like Blake and Pyrrha, but I cannot for the life of me remember the first time I met them. If I do happen to remember one it's nowhere near as vividly as when I met her.

Anyway. We continued to become good friends, we we're almost glued together. Things changed a bit when middle school rolled around. I hate to admit that the reason things started going the way they were was all because of me.

* * *

For whatever reason I found myself getting annoyed with her. I'd get irritated with her constantly following me around. The closeness we shared throughout elementary school suddenly becoming a negative thing for me. I couldn't understand why, but a part of me really wanted her to just go away.

I started becoming verbally aggressive with her. So many times I'd tell her to indirectly go away, not saying it straight up since I still felt like that was a bit cruel. Much to my annoyance though, Ruby either didn't realize that I wanted her to go away, or she knew but stuck around like a good friend anyways. I'll never know the answer to that. Regardless I continued to make space between the two of us. Our last year in middle school I found that avoiding her had become easier, she had met new people and made new friends just as I did.

That whole year we were apart, only rarely interacting.

When I think of that now I can't help but feel bad about it. What drove me to push away a friend like that? Not just any friend, but a friend that you had confided in for years, one that would stick by your side for so long without demanding anything but your companionship in return. The kind of friend who took in all the information you told them about yourself and sealed them away in a vault so they could always remember it.

Ruby always seemed to understand why I behaved the way I did, she knew when I needed space, she always knew what to say or what not to say. I hate to say that she may even have known me better than I knew myself.

* * *

I also hate to say that high school, or at least the first 2 years, didn't get any better.

My annoyance with Ruby continued on into our Freshman year of high school. Sadly for the part of me that wanted her gone, we had two classes together that year. Those two classes being P.E. and Band.

Oh, band. Especially the wonderful marching season where the entire band would spend extended periods of time together. Just great for someone who wanted to get away from someone else, right?

Being in two different sections, her playing the alto saxophone and me playing the trumpet, made it easier for me to keep her away. Although, she'd come zipping back once there was a water break.

Then there was P.E. This is when things got. . . difficult. At first, none of it made any sense to me. It's clear as day now, but at that time it was extremely confusing and odd. What made things harder was the fact that Ruby insisted on choosing the locker right next to mine in the locker rooms. The beginning of the year we started at the back of the locker room. Her locker maybe two or three over from my own. I'd always get dressed extremely quickly, not wanting to expose my body as I felt very insecure about it. Or maybe it was because I wanted a few extra seconds to sneak a peek at Ruby. In all honestly, I believe it was an even mixture of both.

Of all of the girls in that locker room my eyes only ever wandered over to her. Well, except that _one_ time I looked across the locker room at the wrong moment and caught a glimpse of a not so attractive girl with no panties on. . . But that isn't important now. Anyway. As an attempt to get some space between us I move to a different vacant locker. No dice. Ruby was quick to move her stuff right next to my locker, now instead of a good distance between us while we got dressed it shrunk down to a mere couple feet away from one another. My attempts to keep my eyes off only ever beginning to fail even more miserably.

Outside of the locker rooms during class whenever there was something with teams and partners she'd look for me. No matter how much I'd try to get away there was no way I'd be able to avoid her. I was too shy, I wasn't willing to ask others to be their partner or to be on their teams, so of course when she'd come around we'd have a silent agreement on being a team, much to my dismay.

I remember one specific instance where I really snapped. Annoyed beyond all belief at her persistence to stay by my side. I openly called her annoying, I openly told her to go away. I don't remember her exact reaction, the memory blurred by my guilt and annoyance with her.

This is when we really began to drift apart.

* * *

Sophomore year. Sometime near the beginning of that year I met Blake and Pyrrha. The two having been close friends. At that point I had no other friends since I pushed Ruby away. The two of us rarely interacting outside of band class, which was the only class we shared where we could actually have a chance to socialize.

It didn't matter to me though, because by that point I admitted to myself that I'm a lesbian and I found myself falling hard for Blake. She became my only focus for the next year and a half. At first it seemed the feelings were mutual. When I confessed to Blake I asked if she felt anything in return, and at that time she said that she did. A week after my confession I ask her to be my girlfriend, I didn't get an instant answer, she instead told me that she needed to think about it. Not wanting to push the girl I agreed.

Days passed. Then weeks. Next thing I knew it had been two months and I had yet to get an answer from Blake. A part of me knew that she had just forgotten, which meant she wasn't interested, but that hopeful part of me still hung on only to be brutally knocked down. As it turned out Blake was over me, she didn't even remember that I had asked her to be more than just my friend. It tore me apart because during those two months I let myself fall even harder for her.

I remember how I isolated myself for a few weeks. During the time all of this was occurring though, Ruby had also become really close friends with Blake and Pyrrha. Blake and Ruby being in the band's color guard and later being the only two tenor saxophone players for concert season while Pyrrha remained close friends with Blake thus becoming friends with Ruby as well.

Ruby would occasionally try to comfort me, but she realized that there was no way to get me out of my slump and only offered hugs when she felt I really needed one, but aside from that she'd keep that distance I had established between us.

Eventually I felt well enough to spend time with the three of them again, but as luck would have it, Ruby still picked up on my negative emotions and continued to try and help me feel better.

It was near the end of that year that Ruby started dating someone. A girl named Penny.

* * *

It was the summer before our Junior year that I started to feel something for Ruby. Or at least admit that I had felt something beforehand. Regardless, my chances were ruined since she was already dating Penny. They had been together nearly 6 months by that point.

Despite the fact that she was in a relationship I went ahead and told her how I felt. Then she admitted that she liked me as well.

"But you and Penny are dating," I say, unable to believe that Ruby actually reciprocated my feelings.

"Just because I'm dating someone doesn't mean I can't like someone else, it just happens," she replies.

What I would do next was something that I still feel guilty about to this day. I didn't try doing this with Blake when she started dating someone that summer, but for Ruby it felt like I had to.

I became friends with Penny over the summer where Ruby, Penny, Nora (a friend of Penny's) and I would hang out in the park near our houses. I talked to Penny a lot. But it wasn't friendly for long. Eventually I would try to find information that I could use to break up Ruby and Penny. I'm still not quite sure what it was that drove me to make this decision. As I recall this I can feel the guilt weighing me down.

It wasn't long before I found just the information I was looking for. Ruby and Penny had agreed that they could have a sort of boyfriend while they were dating, but _only_ if they told the other about it. Or at least that's what Penny had told me. As it also turns out, Penny had been taking advantage of the supposed agreement.

I immediately used this information and told Ruby, who hadn't known, about the boy Penny was also seeing, successfully ending their relationship.

I can still remember what she said to me when I told her.

 _"_ _You're a good friend for letting me know, thanks."_

But I wasn't a good friend. I know I wasn't. What kind of friend would go so far out of their way to try and break up two of her friends who had been so happy together? My reason for telling her wasn't so I could help her see that there was something wrong going on, my reason for telling her was because I wanted her to end her relationship with Penny. If anything it's the opposite of being a good friend.

So, what do you think? I got Ruby right? She's single and I can have a chance now. Well, you'd be sorely mistaken. Ironically, about a month later I end up in a relationship with Penny. In that time though I notice just how distant Ruby has now become. The break up affecting her more than it bothered Penny. Penny had been her best friend since I pushed her away, so she now lost _two_ people who she thought were her best friends.

Penny and I didn't last long, we were together for a little over a month. This having been my first relationship and me being a tad bit awkward when it comes to socializing caused issues between Penny and I. Not to mention the guilt I felt was still as powerful as ever. I ruined this girl's last relationship and she doesn't even know that I'm the one who caused Ruby to break up with her.

To this day I have yet to tell either one of them what I had really done.

Thinking back to my break up with Penny gives me mixed feelings. On one hand I'm upset that it didn't work out, but at the same time I'm glad she broke my heart because I deserved it for what I did. It was the only suitable punishment really.

After I dragged myself out of yet another emotional hole I decided to make it up to Ruby. I became her friend again. She accept my friendship with open arms.

She has no idea what terrible things I'm capable of.

* * *

Senior year started well. Ruby and I being close friends once again. It felt right. The guilt of the year before only taking affect when I would relive the memory.

It was amazing just how quickly the two of us fell back to our normal friendship. It was as if we never grew apart. I managed to keep a good friendship with Penny as well, I owe her after all. She didn't deserve what I put her and Ruby through. Blake, Ruby, Penny and I being as close as friends could be. It felt empty with Pyrrha gone now, she was a year older than us so she had graduated the summer before, she would stop by during band rehearsals and it was great when things went back to the old times even if they didn't last too long.

The year continued like this, until the last quarter rolled around. Ruby had been dating a boy named Jaune at that point. The two of them stuck together like glue. I started seeing Ruby less and less. None of us were overly bothered by it, the two seemed happy together. And then, someone spilled the beans.

It spread like wildfire within the band. According to Ren, Jaune was the one who was telling everyone. The idiot couldn't keep his mouth shut, and it seems like Ruby had mixed feelings about it. I know she would much rather have kept it private though.

You're probably wondering, "Keep what private, Weiss?"

Oh, you know, just the fact that Ruby and Jaune had sex in the park.

I was very disapproving of this. How could Ruby do something so reckless? Not to mention she was still underaged and if her Uncle Qrow would catch wind of what happened then Jaune could be in serious trouble. I distanced myself from Ruby. A lot of people did. It seemed like the only person who still stayed by her side was Blake.

When I think back to this, it makes more sense now than it did in the moment. I had first thought that I wanted to stay away from Ruby because I was disappointed in her recklessness, but later I realize it's not really that. I think of it now and I know that the reason I left her side at that moment was because I was disappointed that I wasn't her first, and that she chose someone else.

* * *

The reason I began to distance myself in middle school was because that's when I truly started feeling things for her. I'd push her away and treat her like an annoyance because I actually liked her, but I hadn't wanted to accept it.

Now, at 21 years old, it all makes sense. All of the pieces are falling together. It's been three years since we've graduated and seemingly gone our separate ways. I still keep in contact with Blake. A year ago I learned from her that Ruby and Jaune broke up. Jaune having left Ruby because his family didn't approve of her. It made my heart ache thinking of Ruby alone again. When so many people abandoned her when they found out about her and Jaune's night at the park only to have Jaune leave her as well.

And where was I? Where was I when Ruby needed a friend? I was gone again. Unable to accept these feelings I have. She always said that I was a good friend, but like hell if I'll ever believe those words when I know I've wronged her, when I know I've abandoned her when she needed me the most. She had always been there for me, and I've only ever failed her in return.

That very same day Blake told me that Ruby and Jaune were no longer together I decided to apologize for leaving her. I called her and asked her to meet me at the park we went to that summer long ago with Nora and Penny.

I arrive at the park, pulling up in my old car. I take in the fresh air and spot Ruby sitting at a picnic table under the shade. Even from afar she looks stunning. The same girl I met in second grade all grown up.

I sit down at the table just across from her, forcing out a greeting. This was the first time I've talked to her in two years. I look up at her, her silver eyes ever so happy to see me after so long.

"Thanks for meeting me, Ruby," I manage to say. I can already feel my throat tightening.

"Of course, it's great to see you again," she says, suddenly a somewhat sad smile appears on her face. "Kinda thought you forgot about me, honestly."

"Don't be silly, I could never forget a dunce like you," I reply warmly.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Ruby," I begin, my throat tightening once again. "I just. . . I want to apologize."

"For what?" she asks curiously.

"For letting you down our senior year. When I found out that you and Jaune, you know."

"Don't worry about it, Weiss," she says.

"How can I not? I let you down. You needed a friend then, and I just left you. I had no right to judge whether or not what you two did was right or wrong, it's none of my business. As a friend I should have supported you, stayed by you, just like you always did for me, but instead I turned my back on you," I say, tears threatening to surface.

"Weiss, I don't blame you for anything. It's in the past, it's over," she merely says. "But if it's any consolation, I accept your apology," she adds. "It's nice to know that you still remembered me."

"I'm so sorry for everything, Ruby," I murmur fighting away the tears.

 _I don't deserve your forgiveness, or your friendship. . ._

After my apology and her forgiveness we continue to talk, catching up on what the other has been up to. A few jokes float through and we're talking as if we never grew apart.

Everything was right.

* * *

I can feel the tears on my face. Whenever I think about this it happens. I should have realized sooner that I felt so strongly for Ruby. I should have been a better friend. And maybe all of that is the reason that Ruby has a new best friend in Blake and why I'm here all alone.

Right now, all I can do is sit here all by myself and wonder why.

Why I didn't realize it sooner.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Thanks for reading, guys! Hope you liked it. ~Be random or die~**_


End file.
